Whitest Kids You Know Black Docter
[Point-Counterpoint]
Host : Why practise hunters demand bullets that can pierce through impenetrable vests?
Jerry Bronham : Do I really have to spell this out for you? What if a bunch of punk kids get into the woods and strap a bulletproof vest on a deport? Then what've you got? Invincible bears.
[Englishman #ane begins to urinate on Englishman #2'southward leg]
Englishman #2 : I say, sir. You lot seem to exist peeing upon my leg.
Englishman #ane : Ah, what's all this?
Englishman #two : Uh, good sir, y'all seem to be peeing upon my leg.
Englishman #1 : Ah! Well, it seems to me that your leg'due south in the mode of my pee stream.
Englishman #2 : Yes, yes, well, I'1000 sure yous'd notice if you would just kindly bending your pee stream a fraction to the left, that it would discover it's manner to the basis quite uninterrupted.
Englishman #one : And I'grand quite certain that if you'd but move your leg a fraction to the left, yous would find it would end to be peed upon.
Englishman #2 : Yes, yes, yep, yes. But my leg was here first.
Englishman #1 : Yes, and withal I pee.
Englishman #2 : Hmm.
Englishman #2 : Information technology appears we're at an impasse.
Englishman #2 : Yeah, I see, only y'all volition eventually run out of pee, of which to expel upon my leg, thus leaving me the victor in this little battle.
[Englishman #1 brandishes a watter bottle]
Englishman #1 : Ha!
Englishman #two : Hmm, touché. Touché. And yet you lot merely delay the inevitable. 'Cause eventually that water bottle will exist rendered dry and your bladder will follow in plow.
Englishman #1 : [to British Boy] I say, boy!
British Male child : Yep, gov'nor?
Englishman #1 : Be a proficient chap. Run to Boobie's H2o Pub, return here with a half-liter. Be a good lad, and steady, and they'll be more employment where that came from.
Englishman #2 : I say, boy, I'll give yous a whole two pence not to become to Boobie's Water Pub, and instead to go abode and mind your studies.
British Male child : Oh, boy! My studies!
Englishman #ane : Yous get to Boobie'south Water Pub or I'll box your ears!
British Boy : Correct!
[pause]
Englishman #1 : And still I pee.
Englishman #ii : Yep, aye, y'all withal pee, and I nevertheless stand. And I can stand here all night, for I am unemployed.
Englishman #1 : Ah, as information technology is with me.
Englishman #2 : Ah-ha! Then you shan't long afford this errand male child to supply you with your future pee stream.
Englishman #ane : [thinks] I shall offer him sexual favors.
Englishman #ii : Sexual favors? Merely he's just a boy!
Englishman #one : But we are British.
Englishman #2 : Touché. And yet you lot overlook something. How exercise you lot plan to perform these sexual favors you intend to hope this boy if your ballocks is indefinitely committed to the deed of peeing upon my person?
Englishman #1 : I happen to know that the kid enjoys golden showers.
Englishman #2 : Ah-ha! Then his confront will have to interrupt your pee stream, thus freeing my leg of its menses.
Englishman #1 : Ah. The boy will take up the act of peeing upon your leg, and I in turn will pee upon his face.
Englishman #2 : Y'all clever devil. The game is on.
[They shake hands]
Englishman #1 : It'due south a gentleman's challenge. May the best man win.
Narrator : We all know the story by now. William Shakespeare and Sir Francis Bacon continued on that way and their terminal plays they were working on were never finished. They battled on into the night. Spring turned to summer, summer to fall, autumn to winter. Centuries passed, and so millennia. Empires rose and fell, suns exploded. JFK was assassinated and so re-born in Argentine republic. Thirty-eight years later, he died in infancy of cholera. But I digress... enough about our sometime president who now walks the streets as a bizarre one-half-shadow, half-man named "Tankra" whose only fearfulness is the low-cal and only joy the dark... but once more, I digress... for as nosotros all know, to speak Tankra's name is to to summon her awful presence.
Zach : Nosotros wanna join the ground forces!
Trevor : We wanna exist in a airplane! And one of the planes that shoots, not i of those faggy food planes.
Sergeant : Ok, and then you want to join the Air Force Sectionalisation.
Zach : ...I judge.
Sergeant : That's where the airplanes are.
Trevor , Zach : Ohhhh!
Trevor : *Air* Strength, *air*airplane. Makes sense.
Sergeant : Ok, then your preferred assignment would be to...
Zach : OR, nosotros want a gun that's and then large that yous tin't even hold information technology, and information technology needs wheels! Ha! Crawly!
Sergeant : Ok, well that sounds more similar Infantry.
Trevor : I wanna parachute at dark into a city!
Sergeant : Well, at present, that sounds like Air Force.
Trevor : Air Forcefulness, that sounds cool! Information technology's similar, the force of the air!
Sergeant : You guys know that this is a serious conclusion that you're making...
Zach : Seriously awesome!
Sergeant : In that location's been a lot of fighting lately, with these terrorist groups...
Zach : Aye! I wanna exist a terrorist!
Trevor : The terror of the forcefulness of the air!
Sergeant : ...No, we are against the terrorists.
Trevor : That's right, because they double crossed u.s.a.! They were double agents!
Sergeant : No, that's not what happened...
Trevor : My spy name is gonna be Sergeant Eagle Fort!
Zach : And you can telephone call me Crowbar!
Sergeant : I recollect you two should put some serious idea into this.
Zach : We've got this all planned out, babe.
Male parent : Yous see boys, your female parent and I have gotten to that betoken that a lot of married couples reach, where we've grown tired of the mundane and the routine. At this point, a lot of couples tend to accept extra marital affairs.
Trevor : [grossed out] Aw, dad...
Begetter : Hey, hey, let me finish. So to avoid the pitfalls that affect and so many couples, your mother and I have decided to spice up the proverbial "sack".
Trevor : Aw, come on!
Male parent : Hey, hey, hold on! So instead of adulterous on your mother with another adult female, I've decided to cheat on her vagina with her butthole!
Trevor , Zach , Sam : Oh, dad!
Sam : Be quiet!
Male parent : Hey, hey, at present that's called existence a good dad! Everybody's happy! Your mom's happy she's non being cheated on, I'm definitely happy, and you kids are happy that you have such a happy pop! That family unit'southward all together!
[in an function, the employee is pitching new Television receiver bear witness ideas to his boss]
Employee : He was a young, well-to-practice stock trader, shopping for a gift for his fiancée, until one fateful 24-hour interval when he accidentally broke a priceless vase! Now the tables accept turned, and this immature go-getter must spend his life in service to this eccentric Asian shopkeeper! Check out the hilarious new show, Yuppie Indentured Servant!
Boss : ...well... the problem with your pitch is that the testify is racist...
Employee : What? It'south a fish-out-of-water story!
Boss : Okay, but, the fish-out-of-water story is that it'due south weird for a white man to be a slave to an Asian man, which suggests that the norm would be the other mode around.
Employee : Psh. I guess. Any. So do you similar information technology?
Boss : ...No.
Employee : Aw, shitburgers! I got another one.
Dominate : Okay.
Employee : [sings] Well, he was riding his bike, and then the lightning strikes, and now he reads real fast, he's proficient at science and math, Black Doctor!
Boss : ...I'm gonna get out on a limb, hither. Where exactly did he get the bike?
Employee : He stole it!
Dominate : Correct, that's what I thought. You know, I don't recall nosotros're gonna be going down the road with Black Doctor.
Employee : Actually? Damn it! Ok, I got i more than.
Dominate : Go alee.
Employee : It'south called "Jew Town"!
Boss : Nope!
Employee : How 'bout "Too Many Lesbos"?
Boss : Nope!
Employee : "What's the Bargain with Mexican Tits"?
Dominate : Leave.
Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0840979/characters/nm2222515
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